This is why I cannot go so long without blogging! I normally forget things, but that isn't the problem this time, there is just so much juicy stuff to cover, its going to be one of the longest yet! I could break it up, but the longer I draw it out, the farther behind I'll get because I'll still be talking about old news when stuff is currently happening, you know? We'll see how far I get. The other thing that makes them so long is stuff like this, I could just get right into the story, but whatever.
D'Anna from next door was throwing a birthday party for Laura Marie, and people from the office were invited. Catherine was there, because they all work together. Amanda and Barrett were over and we were all out in the back yard. Catherine called to us over the fence, and then Laura Marie said that it wouldn't be a party without me over, decked out in one of my outfits for her b-day. I normally know in advance when there is an occasion that calls for dress-up, and I spend all day primping and preparing and getting prettied up. (This really isn't a regular occurence, although it seems like most of the stories involve some Drag Queen bit haha. Just Halloween and Mardi Gras when costumes were called for, and the odd party when the guests demand it, like this time, or okay, maybe like once I sprung it on them without being provoked but...haha) But anyway, I wasn't ready this time! I had to quick shave my face, and I didn't shave my legs, so I threw on stockings, which I tore in my haste, so I was really trashy with a big runner. I threw on the lab coat, my garter was lost, even though up until that point it had been in the same place for months, haha, and my blonde wig, oh and the rubber gloves, and went over. I wasn't really crashing, technically, since I was sort of invited, but I felt kinda like I was crashing anyway. Haha, oh well. It was a fun party, and my friend Kathy (sp?) was there, who I met at other parties of D'Anna's. When we were saying goodbyes, Kathy called me Victor. I thought I misheard her or something, so I answered to it and didn't correct her, though I didn't know what she could have said that I would have heard Victor. After she left, everyone was like, "Did she call you Victor?" Haha. So then everyone was like "Victor/Victoria!" Kathy is a trip haha. This was Monday night, so for the beginning of the week, I was Victor, until Thursday rolled around.
Not this past weekend, but the weekend before, Danielle, Darren and the little ones went to North Carolina for the weekend. I stayed to watch Amber, though she ended up staying at Catherine and Adam's, and the guys that were coming to refinish the floors (which is why Amber had to bounce.) Watch the guys as in someone had to be home, not like watch them. They were nothing to look at... And they were crazy! A theme of this and following stories, aside from all my exotic new names, is people that are very nice, and well-meaning and everything, but just totally off and bizarre and just crazy! They were very red-neck, which they themselves said repeatedly. And I do mean repeatedly. And everything they said, in their minds, was the funniest little joke or quip ever. So there was a lot of polite, forced laughter on my part... haha. They were there two days, Thursday and Friday. Thursday I didn't have much interaction, but when I did, again with the "laughing" and stuff. They were very nice, don't get me wrong. And aside from there jokes...
...They called me Kevin. And Kev. I thought after I introduced myself they had been saying Travis, but then I started hearing Kevin. I guess they must have been calling me Kevin all along, because I can't imagine why they would all of a sudden switch if they had it right at first. For whatever reason I didn't bother to correct them. May as well remain anonymous, I had already had an assumed name for the beginning of the week, anyway. When they were leaving Thursday, they left their number, and I gave mine so that they could let me know when they'd be coming. They said 10:30-11. They only had Danielle's number, and since she wasn't home it wouldn't do me any good for them to call her. So I wrote down my number, and I was about to write my name, and then stopped. I had gone all day without telling them my actual name, so how stupid would I have looked to give it to them then? At least that's what I thought, and I wrote "Kevin." Haha. It seemed to make more sense to me, but I was telling Catherine and Adam about it when I was hanging out with them later, for Project Runway, and Catherine was like, "You did not!?! You're crazy!" Haha. So then I was Kevin. Also, as the floor guys were getting in the pick-up truck, they got beers out of the back and yelled, "Hey Kevin, you want a beer?" Class-ay! And I don't like beer. I thanked them anyway.
So then to Catherine and Adam's. They were telling me about how on Saturday, Adam was going to go pick up their boat that they were getting. So I asked about it, and everything I said was to Catherine more ludicrous than the last. My initial reaction was, "Ooooo! Is it a yacht?" Which she thought was silly, of course it isn't. I didn't mean a big one, there are like boats that are small but still considered yachts, but what do I know about such things? I didn't think it was as dumb as apparently it was. So then, for whatever reason skipping right to the other end of the spectrum, I asked "What? Is it a row boat?" This was uproariously funny to her, (though I wasn't kidding? Hahaha) In my defense, I was still blonde on Thursday night, though Friday morning I dyed my hair brown. (I didn't get an ashy brown dye, but I guess since my hair was bleached really light, it came out ashy and looks a little gray. I like the effect!) So then I asked if it was a motor boat, which was the most entertaining yet, she asked where I came up with these things?! "Its a ski-boat!" (Whatever that is.) (It's a motor boat by the way.)
I just decided that the other person that I had in mind concerning the nice and well meaning but completely out there theme, even if I get to that story today, deserves a separate post altogether. So the main theme is my new names, and I only put in the boat story because it happened sequentially in the plot, but also there was the confusion over the names haha.
So back to the floor guys. They were supposed to come around 10:30-11, right? I don't know what time they called, but the one guys daughter had a flat tire and they had to go rescue her, and get her tire fixed. When all was said and done they got there at like 2:30. They were very upset about the whole thing, and "Oh Kevin is really mad at us, we ruined his whole day!" and on and on. They said they should buy me a steak, and they were like, "Do you know how to cook steak?" Uh, no? Haha. They didn't take as long Friday as they had on Thursday, they had less left to do. So when they were done, instead of having their beers on the road, they invited me again to have one, so I did, and we sat out front drinking beer. When they left I updated my Facebook status to say, "I done just had a beer with the floor guys." Haha.
What a conversation that was. They were asking me if I was going to school or what, and I explained how I was between, as it were, and that I have my associates degree in graphic design..."Oh graphic design!" Didn't this guy used to have a graphic design firm? On and on, and like I said, very nice, it was a pleasant conversation to be sure, but here I am with two relative strangers, drinking beer and could this be any weirder? So finally it was turned back to me, and "is that what I want to persue?" I'm looking to go into fashion design... Cut off again! "Oh fashion design!" He owned a men's clothing store right out of college, the same guy, and on and on. Very interesting, and so I'm getting life stories, but still, they are strangers, they don't even know my actual name? Hahahahaha. Also they noticed that I was reading, and do I like to read and this guy who now has the floor business and used to be in graphic design and used to have a clothing store, he was in the publishing business for 20 years, and now he is shopping his own book around to be published. Would I be interested in reading that? Its semi-autobiographical and about growing up in the South, and on and on about that. I said I would, and they were going to bring me a copy of the manuscript. I wasn't just saying that to be nice, I might have read it, even though I am currently in the middle of like 5 books, but they didn't end up getting it to me. I'll have to look it up when it is released to the general public.
How dare they! I am not the general public. But I am not Kevin either, so I guess its not their fault, how could they have known? My PR firm is good at keeping me out of the press and everything, under the radar. Which is really the opposite of there job, they are for publicity, but I do like my privacy. Aside from divulging intimate detail on here, of course. Haha. Anyway, back to reality, unreal as it may seem...
They also said that they would return, as a nice thing to do for Danielle, and I guess to make up for wrecking my whole day, (I had nothing planned anyway) to fix the toilet seat that Olivia somehow broke. The hinge had been broken for a little while, but one day I walked in after the one of the kids and found it like it is in that picture. Haha. Like the book, they didn't follow through with replacing the toilet seat either...
And now for the two most bizarre pieces of conversation with them, and high on the list of bizarre conversations I've ever had.
So he loves clothes, (although, he says, you wouldn't know it by what he is wearing: a polo and khaki shorts, but that's not bad, esp considering he is doing manual labor?) and they talked about how he loves colors and flowers. He knows all about every flower, and tells the other guy's wife what to plant and the colors that would be good together and all this.
Suspension of Disbelief! Stranger Than Fiction!
I may have been able to, (like when people say, "I couldn't make this stuff up,")
but I am not making this up! This is honestly what transpired:
So he loves clothes and color and flowers, but he is "only half gay." Honest to goodness, that is what he said. And they went on and on over this 'half gay' thing, and apparently they talk about it all the time, his being 'half gay.' I wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, per se, but how awkward!!! And then he proceeded to assure me that he was only half gay, because despite all signs pointing to full-blown gaydom, he made a slightly off-color remark which in essence was just that he only goes for the ladies.
Then they were talking about how they were having a fish fry the next day, and did I like catfish? Yes? Oh well then I should definitely come over to their little shindig. I accepted, because I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough, though I could have made up anything, or even just declined. Later that evening I made plans with Karen for the next day instead, and although we didn't end up doing anything after all, the floor guys never called.
After Adam picked up the boat, he stopped by to ask if I wanted to tag along the auto parts store to pick up some spark plug or something for it, and then hang out and watch more It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which we had watched a couple episodes of the night before. This is now Saturday. I forgot to mention Friday after the beer with the floor guys, Catherine called and we walked Amber and their dog Zeke, and then I hung out with Catherine and Adam and we watched It's Always Sunny. Haha. So we went to the auto place, and Adam pointed out this bottle of Tranny Honey. So I was Victor, Kevin, and Tranny Honey. Just kidding, he didn't call me that, haha. Anyway, its transmission fluid or something, hence Tranny haha, and I took a picture of it for my blog. He has been waiting for this post ever since. Haha, sorry it took so long, Adam! We didn't end up watching It's Always Sunny. We went through his movies and narrowed it down to a few. From the ones that we narrowed it down to, he suggested No Country for Old Men, but then he thought of one that wasn't originally on the shortened list, that we went with. High Plains Drifter, starring Clint Eastwood. It was good. (But if he hadn't explained the plot to me before we started watching it, I wouldn't have understood it probably, haha.)
This last thing, I'm not sure exactly where it fit in chronologically, and I had originally intended to lump in with the Choo-choo story, but I forgot. We were at a party across the street at Melanie and Brent's house. Danielle had taken the kids home for baths and bed. Darren said something, that, in an uncharacteristically (haha) overly dramatic move on my part, caused me to storm out. It wasn't directed toward me, or really that offensive, considering haha. I wasn't storming out for any reason other than to make a scene. So anyway I just went across the street to see what Danielle was doing. The kids were in their rooms, but the bathroom light was on and the door was open. I figured she was draining the bathtub, or sopping up the flood that the kids always splash out. Well! She was indisposed. Going potty. We both screamed and I ran out again, back across the street.
xoxo, Travvy
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