Previously on Tranny Manny...
See Dick. See Jane.
See Travis. See Catherine.
(So as to not completely throw you off, the above photo is neither Dick nor Jane, nor Travis, but then you know what I look like. It's possible that this could have been just another Madonna/Cher-esque reinvention of myself, we three are quite the chameleons after all, but no, it isn't me. That is Catherine on the right though, isn't she a doll?)
And it would help if I could find a reference to actually quote from instead of just trying to make this up as I go along from a vague memory of it from popular culture. Haha.
See Travis and Catherine go out to the club. (Or at least making a valiant attempt.) Don't worry, they get there eventually. Haha.
The club is called Dick & Jane's, hence the somewhat botched attempt to make this post sort of like the old children's books, which is hard not only because I can't find anything to draw the references from, but also even if I could, how easy would it really be anyway, writing a children's book about misadventures and debauchery at a gay nightclub. Haha. Not really debauchery, we were on our best behavior. It was the other people being wild; giving me a random shot of vodka and Catherine the raunchiest lap dance ever ground and gyrated. (Haha. Oh yes... Believe you me.) But we're getting ahead of our story.
We continue with our program already ready in progress...
(Well really like 6 months after the fact but you know what I mean.)
(Well really like a year later, but still. It's just an expression.)
It seems like every time I hear the Black Eyed Peas' song I Gotta Feeling that goes, "I gotta feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night..." before a night out, like on the way to a club, I end up having a terrible time. Not to worry though. Either Catherine and I didn't hear it, I can't remember if we did or not, I think we were listening to a CD and not the radio though, or she broke the curse, but we had an amazing time. Once we finally found the club that is, haha.
Color me devastating. I wore my new t-shirt that my mom had given me for Christmas, but that I still hadn't worn yet, even though it was way after Christmas, I had been saving it specifically for Catherine and my big night out. Its a black tee with a deep v-neck, (and i do mean deep, like it is a plunging neckline, just this side of distasteful, haha) and it says "Thank You Mood" you know, from Project Runway, and my white shorts and silver sneakers. Catherine came over while I was still primping and getting ready to raid Danielle's closet for something to wear. She didn't like my idea, I suggested a butch flannel shirt, but for some reason she didn't go for it haha.
After we were sufficiently all glammed out Catherine came back and picked me up for our hot date. We stopped at the bank to hit the ATM, and I accidentally directed her to pull into the drive thru going in the wrong direction. I didn't do it on purpose, but it ended up working out because since I was on the passenger side the ATM was on my side of the car, except Catherine was worried that someone was going to swing around the corner and crash into her car. Which seemed like a worry at the time, but now that I'm thinking about it, it was really no more likely that we would have had a head on collision while we were parked there than if we went through the right way and just got rear ended? Haha. Then we went to Catherine's bank and her ATM (through the right way) and then we were off!
We got downtown and found the club, then we went in search of a place to park. We parked across the street in this little parking lot off an alley, and walked to the club. Or where we thought the club was. Or where the club was supposed to be. Where it usually was, and is now, (Catherine has more recently informed me that Dick and Jane's is no longer, so it isn't there now, but at the time of this writing, not the posting, but the actual writing, it was still there. I can't believe they closed, boo!) but the night we where there, the club wasn't. Haha. First of all there was no sign or anything indicating that there was a business of any kind in the building. We walked up and the windows were all painted black so you can't see in. There were some places where you could see in and we were trying to decide if it looked open. We tried the door and it was locked. There was a bar bar across the street, as in a bar, not like a night club, and this guy started yelling at us. Well shouting to us, like talking, not yelling at us being belligerent haha.
I had heard that Dick & Jane's had had a fire. I heard different claims, either it was an electrical fire or arson, as in a hate crime. However the fire started, the club burned, and it was closed. It didn't burn down, and it wasn't closed forever, and I had also heard that they had been open after the fire and before the night Catherine and I went out, so we didn't know what the deal was, but our "friend" across the street was letting us know haha.
You may remember the night Catherine, Adam and I went to Fire (the club). See Heavy Effing Metal. So the same people who own Dick & Jane's also own Fire. And this guy told us that Dick and Jane's was moved to Fire, while the club that had had a fire was being renovated. Following? Haha.
What we gathered from this information was that if you had planned on going to Dick & Jane's you should just go to Fire instead. As you know, we had been to Fire once before, and we didn't have a bad time, but we weren't exactly interested in doing a return engagement either.
Adam came to our rescue. Catherine called him and he went online for us to hunt for a different venue for us. Catherine and I had had this clubbing plan in the works for quite some time, and had already done some research ourselves, but that was a while ago by this time. (By this time I mean the time of the story, not the time of writing this, haha. Which by now has been eons.) One of the places Adam had found was a place that we had ruled out originally because it was in a bad area.
Another one he came across I shot down immediately as well. I had recently gone on a date with this guy, and we went to this gay bar but it was a total dive. I don't mean like a dive bar, which can be considered a good thing in some cases. I mean a dump. It was terrible. And the date was worse. Painfully awkward silences, haha. Darren did this really funny impression of it the next day. He just looked everywhere but at me, and didn't say anything. It's hard to explain, but it was hilarious, and spot on I might add. So anyway, that is really a non-story, the only noteworthy thing was that the guy was 6'10" haha, but the point was there was no way Catherine and I were going to that crappy place. Besides it was only a bar and not a dance club.
We could have gone to the Electric Cowboy, this club that I went to with Danielle, Brent and Melanie before I had moved down and become the manny, and was just visiting on vacay. I don't know if I told this story or not, I may have, I'll share an abridged version, incase I didn't tell it in the first place or if I did just as a refresher.
Melanie and Brent live across the street from Danielle and Darren, and one night they invited us over to hang out and meet me. Somehow in conversation the Electric Cowboy came up, which turned out was a club and the claim to fame, or at least what interested me, was that they have a mechanical bull. I think it was Brent's idea, and Melanie and I were all for it, but Danielle wasn't feeling it. It was dropped and we moved on to other topics, until Brent randomly brought it up again and said something like, "I dunno Travis, if your cousin was up for it we'd take you to go ride the mechanical bull..." and then Danielle was like, "What time is it? Give us 20 minutes..." Yay Danielle! Haha. So we ran back to her house and quick took showers and changed, and ran back over and we were off!
Danielle and I rode the mechanical bull, because we never had before, but Melanie and Brent had, so they opted out. While we were dancing, or while Melanie and I were dancing, Brent might have a little too, but Danielle was just kind of standing around looking uncomfortable. It wasn't until later that she said the whole time she was just waiting for someone to have a problem with me and start something. She was en garde in the event that she had to lay the smackdown on some good ole boys. Haha. My hero. (Swoon.)
So anyway, back to the regularly scheduled outing. Catherine and I were debating going to the Cowboy, but the whole point of us going out was to go to gay club, and we didn't want to be worrying about causing a riot haha.
What we ended up doing was driving over to Fire anyway. We still couldn't decide if we wanted to go there for sure, but we ended up electing to go up and just ask the doorman if we could take a peek inside before we paid the cover. He let us, but we didn't see any gays. Catherine asked the guy at the door, and he told us just what we were looking to hear.
Fire has a VIP room and that is where Dick & Jane's had been relocated to for the time being. Go out, and around the block, its in the same building but had its own entrance. Ding ding ding! Jackpot!!
Finally! So we get to the door, there is a woman checking IDs and taking cover charges, and then there was this random kid standing there with her too... He commented on my shirt, "Thank You Mood," and asked what it was from, he apparently doesn't watch Project Runway. So we had a short conversation and Catherine and I ducked inside. Catherine was so beside herself in all the excitement that she had to go potty. (Haha, sorry Catherine, nothing is sacred, and besides, its integral to the plot ;) ) Instead of doing, what in retrospect, would have been the smarter thing to do, and going up to the bartender and asking where the ladies room was, we went back out front to ask the door person. First Mistake. Rather than her telling us, the weird little guy with her gave Catherine directions. I should have just followed her, that was my second mistake. But this guy didn't go back outside, he just hung there inside the door where we were standing for him to point Catherine in the right direction, so I just stood there too... He started talking to me some more, and the biggest mistake yet, (third times a charm) I accepted his offer to buy me a drink. Catherine returned at this point, the guy bought me a Jack and Coke and I bought Catherine what ever it was she ordered.
I said that letting him by me a drink was arguably the worst mistake, because then I was stuck. I felt obligated to hang out with him. At least for a bit...
I haven't described this kid. He is on my Facebook, because when he tracked me down on there which doesn't come until much later, Catherine guilted me into accepting his friend request. Also jumping ahead, she was all for my being callous and bitchy this night, so why she felt it so important that I play nice on Facebook I don't know haha. But the point is, since I post links to this blog on my Facebook periodically, I'm worried that he'll come read this. Sorry if I offend. I'm not out to be mean, just telling the facts. You may remember how in the story of the floor refinishing people that I had to babysit, I mentioned people that were nice and meant well, but were just too too bizarre, meaning those two guys and one more who I said would come later. This is who I meant by that.
I feel bad now, and this is the reason why I have been avoiding this post, besides just plain laziness, which has kept the entire blog on
hiatus for the ludicrous amount of time that I have been neglecting it. I don't want to hurt any feelings, because, at the time this was all
going on, I was, I confess, ready to write this person off right off the bat on the grounds of aesthetics, (which, I am amazed and quite
pleased with myself on having spelled aesthetics correctly! haha) and superficiality. I'm sorry, but that is how most, if not all, people
operate, whether or not they are willing to admit it or flatly deny it.
Especially at a gay club, a most notorious place for being subjected
to judgment and cattiness. It comes with the territory. I for one
would not expect anything less from a place like that. Even a straight
bar, to a lesser extent, would be like that. Any bar scene. It's a "Meat Market," I feel like I've heard it described by someone.
Only the reasonably attractive/at least passable survive. And it's magnified, at least I feel, in the gay community, so my point is it's not
somewhere where you should, or at least where I would, expect a "We are the World," let's hold hands and sing Kumbaya, mentality.
This is turning into huge tangent, haha, sorry.
And I'm not sure where this is even coming from. I do have another story though, which, again, has nothing to do with the main point,
so why bother? I don't know! Just suck it up and deal with it, haha. If you want to know what happens, you're just going to have to
suffer through all this pointless subplot madness. And in any case, you've waited this long, and you've already come this far, so you
might as well grin and bear it, right?
So anyway, I found a flight-suit jumpsuit thing in the attic, that I
imagine was my Uncle Jonny's, because he's in the Air National
Guard and a pilot. How we came to have it, who knows, and it
doesn't matter anyway. Probably/certainly because my dad kept
everything, and now I do, to the chagrin of my throw stuff out
obsessed brother. Haha. (If anyone still knows what is going
on in this story, congratulations for being able to follow this! And
also, could you clue me in?) So I found this jumpsuit which I
immediately snatched up and annexed into my wardrobe. It could
not be passed up, everyone needs a too-small, ahem, excuse me,
that's cropped, vintage military jumpsuit in their closet. I had this
bright idea that I would wear it to the club. Not Dick & Jane's,
the club in the center of this sordid story, but the club in PA I,
oxymoronically, occasionally frequent, the Stonewall and Moose
Lounge Bar and Grille. For whatever reason, I was convinced
that this look would either be a huge hit, or a massive trainwreck
and that I would never be able to show my face there again. Why I
thought this, I cannot imagine. I should have known, that no one had
ever taken notice or cared what I had worn ever before, and they
didn't take notice of or care about the flight suit either. Haha. What
has this to do with anything? Why did I feel the need to share? I
have no idea! So back to the point of the first digression from the
original story, and then finally, back to the story, which is all you care
about in the first place. (There I go again, assuming that you even
care about the story in the first place! Haha.)
So I was saying that you should expect to be looked down the club's collective nose at, judged and ultimately shunned. This was
Catherine's take on the coarse of action I should have taken with my new friend, but for some reason, even with my feelings on how
that's just the way of it in such places and situations, I was a bleeding heart, and couldn't muster enough bitchiness and cattiness to
kick him to the curb. Partly because I allowed him to buy me a drink and felt that this held me to some sort of etiquette and required I
spend some time. At least some time, not the entire time, but I'll get to that. But through all this explanation, which I don't even
know what the point was, I got sidetracked so many times, and branched off of my asides into even more asides, what I was getting at
is that this person still talks to me periodically on Facebook, and having talked more, is still just an acquaintance, but not someone I
would want to be unsavory to. I said I was ready to write them off at the time, but now I don't want to write them off, so hopefully
they aren't upset by anything in the story. If they do, it's not my intent.
Now that that's settled, whether or not it settled anything or merely made the situation that
much more confused, we shall be moving right along and getting back to where we left our
heroines, Travvy and Catherine, having gotten a drink and continuing their adventure.
So the three of us had our drinks and went and sat in this area where there were couches. In the middle there was this big round bench thing, I didn't know if it was meant for seating or like a coffee table haha. It was actually one of those big round things that would be at a skating rink, if you know what I'm talking about, so it was a seat I guess. Anyway, I was being dragged into conversation with this guy, meanwhile Catherine is scoping out the place, and periodically pointing out better targets. She zeroed in on this one guy that was on the dance floor, he had on a white t-shirt and jeans, and was really skinny. This is beside the point with this guy she was looking at, but I generally prefer to be the thinner one, so as to feel that I look good in comparison. Which might sound bad but it's true haha. I want an optical illusion to be created. And not that I would turn down someone solely for being more fit than me but whatever. And like I said, it didn't really have any baring on this situation. She continued shopping, and there was this guy that was dancing all crazy. He then came over and jumped up on the skating rink bench thing that was in front of us and was dancing on that. Catherine said he was trying to get my attention haha.
So we are sitting there and I am talking to this guy who has latched on to me. In a loud club atmosphere, you have to be close to the person and screaming at the top of your lungs to hear each other talk, and he spit all over me the entire time. That was special, as you can imagine. Catherine excused herself, and here I am, stuck alone with the guy. I thought she would just get a drink and come back, but she ended up sitting up at the bar.
The wild table dancing guy came over to me and the other guy and handed each of us a shot. I thought Catherine had sent him over, so I didn't think much of just accepting a shot of vodka from a complete stranger. It turned out that Catherine had no involvement, and the shots were totally random. My, for better or worse, companion, doesn't shoot vodka apparently, so I took both. He was probably just trying to get me drunk, what a creeper, haha. He meaning the cling-on guy, by not taking the shot and having me do it, not the guy who brought the shots. Catherine found out that the shot bringer apparently has no consciousness of what he is doing anymore, drug abuse having taken its toll on his brain.
You may be wondering how Catherine came by this information? She abandons me with this new little friend creature, in favor of a gay harem. She was swarmed, I swear like half the people at the club that night were in a crowd around her. So she was privy to all manner of gossip. Not the least of which was about me. Me! When she told me I wanted to just die, and I was sure I could never show my face at this club ever again. (This time I felt that I had cause to feel this way, as I knew firsthand that I was the talk of the place, not just assuming that I had caused a stir that I really hadn't.) (Sometimes I joke about being the center of attention, when I know I'm not, like when I talk of being hounded by the ever present paparazzi, or sometimes I intentionally draw everyone's attention to myself, but there are times that I just have the (probably/definitely/at least hopefully mistaken) impression, that, even when I'm not doing anything to attract attention, and when I want no attention at all, that all eyes are on me and I get really uncomfortable haha.) (My friend MaryAnn told me that I do it unconsciously, or not really that I do anything unconsciously but that just my nature and how I carry myself, (even when I'm not purposely exaggeratedly sashaying) attracts attention. But let me quickly move on before I go off into another hugely long pointless story about nothing haha. I'll save it for another time.)
This guy approached Catherine and asked, "Are looking at what I'm looking at?" Catherine asked what he was looking at, and it was me with this guy. (At this point we were on the dancefloor. UGH!) He told Catherine everyone was talking about it, and what was I doing with that kid? And I could do so much better! The worst part, which I don't know what difference it makes really, but the worst part was when I asked Catherine if this guy knew we were there together she said NO! He didn't know she knew me, but he just started talking about me haha, ugh, literally everyone probably was talking. I like to cause a stir, but be careful what you wish for!
So I had the most awkward dancing mess and then he decided we should go sit down, but not where we had been on the sofas, over in another section in the corner in this booth. He waited for me to sit down, and I expected him to sit across from me, but oh no, why would he do that? Then I'd have an opportunity to escape! So he sat next to me and I was cornered!
I don't know if I ended up on the dancefloor with him again, or if I skipped this part earlier when we were dancing, but I am dancing with him and Catherine is sending her minions to rescue me.
Really the only guy that tried, Catherine didn't send, he just told her, "Oh don't worry, honey, I got this." Or something like that. Thanks but no thanks, he was old and really weird, I can't even describe him really, just old and weird. I feel like he either had dentures or his teeth bonded or capped or something, they looked unnaturally straight and white and just odd. He was trying to get me to dance with him as a means of untangling myself from the other guy, and then returning to Catherine, or to just leave the other guy and go straight to Catherine, but I wasn't going to jump out of the frying pan into the fire and go with the weird old guy, who told me my girlfriend sent him after me, which she so didn't! but I couldn't just escape by walking away either. I kept being followed by the kid.
I went back over to Catherine, but he kept hanging there right behind me, while Catherine tried to introduce me to various guys in her thrall. I detected their disinterest, not that I was that interested either. I don't remember, maybe it was, but I don't think the point was for me to meet anyone anyway, we just wanted to have a good time. Or maybe it was for me to meet someone, because that seems to be a running theme haha, not necessarily in the blog stories, but just in life. But their indifference reminds me as I am telling this about Sex and the City, in the episode that Carrie is in a fashion show and Charlotte is trying to set up Carrie's friend Stanford with her friend Anthony. And they don't like each other, and Anthony leaves, and Stanford says, "I've been rejected by someone I wasn't interested in, I hate when that happens!" Haha.
One guy Catherine met, had a boyfriend/partner? I don't know if they were "partners" I don't remember. But she had abandoned me to my fate with the guy I was stuck with, and had replaced me with a new gay best friend. I was scandalized! His name was Andrew, which my friend Kate and I have found to be a decidedly, classically bad news name. But he was nice. That's him with Catherine in the picture at the top. We don't have any pictures of the two of us to commemorate our night out together. Oh no but she has that picture. And his number! In a gay club, she leaves with phone numbers and I don't. And it was from a guy, not even a lesbian haha. I knew I should have made her wear flannel and seem butch. Haha. They're both interior decorators. That was his in. And really, it didn't turn out to be much of a night out together for us, because I could barely get away from the guy who was super-glued to me, and she was in the center of a huge crowd of gays haha. But no really, we had fun, together.
Another effort she made to help me shake my little friend was for me to go to the bathroom and lose him there. She told him I had to go to the bathroom and asked if he could show me where it was. This would have worked, if he just took me back there and left me to it, but he followed me in. I just stood there in front of the mirror playing at/just overheated in real life. So I couldn't get away even then. Finally I did escape somehow but he showed up a few minutes later again.
Catherine wasn't feeling dancing, but Andrew and I were able to convince/force her. They tried their best between the two of them to make sure I was covered on all sides so I couldn't be approached again on the dancefloor by the other guy haha.
I feel like this is a really anticlimactic ending, but I don't know how to wrap it up. It's basically the end of the night. They played Last Dance by Donna Summer, and we bounced.
This account of the story is nothing compared to the actual experience and it makes me miss Catherine really bad! Love ya!
xoxo, Travvy
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